Everything is Fine

PP Fine

Not much to report this week, dear readers! Everything is perfectly fine. I don’t have a single complaint. We’ve put together a great team, built a wonderful product, launched it to some fanfare and the rest? Well, that lies to the judgment of history. You see, in the grand scheme of things, some products fail, others succeed, and although Astroport’s blazing speed and hyper-functionality do seem overwhelmingly likely to win us millions of Daily Active Users, far more than enough to start monetizing premium services and reaping rich rewards thereby…ultimately only time will tell. But I’m not worried. The signs are all good. No, great!

But the important thing is, not whether a given product becomes the market standard or a laughingstock. But rather, how we conduct ourselves regardless of success or crushing, demoralizing, abject failure; and in the event of the latter, how we dig ourselves out of the grave of black despair and move on with some shattered, rickety semblance of our former lives. While, of course, trying to be haunted as little as possible by what might have been, if things had gone differently. None of which, of course, remotely applies to us.

Because, as previously stated, everything is great! Well, onwards and upwards!

Comments (64)

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  1. I totally believe you says:

    Not suspicious at all, Jared.

  2. Wanna join for the ultimate party? visit http://goo.gl/syKOrP

  3. Palpable says:

    Okay, I see what’s wrong here. The vertical scroll on the company profiles is only intermittently functional.

  4. Leo says:

    These guys fxcks!

  5. Nathan says:

    Lies, Jared.

  6. Testie & The Testicles says:

    Testicles

  7. Sxy says:

    前几天用了你们的产品,感觉非常好,很好用的数据平台

  8. Vincent Fan says:

    The Pipey is so cute~

    1. Vincent Fan says:

      However the product desperately needs refinements.

  9. Cube says:

    Guys, somebody stole your box.

  10. Tom Brady says:

    Need my sweet gold chain back.

  11. kite says:

    Brilliant!

  12. Jean Luck says:

    Hire Bernice. She GETS it!

    1. Bernice says:

      You know I do, Jean! FEEL THE BERNICE! Wait, that didn’t come out right…

  13. Constantin Zaharia says:

    Dear Jared, your idea is a crap….a totally crappy idea.
    You are saying that no space is occupied on our devices, but all the space is occupied with pieces of all the users files that are using the platform. Where are files stored? Inside the other users phones and PC’s. So all our devices is a big storage drive. Even if i upload a single 1Mb file, my computer or phone will store pieces of all the users platform…….so……you are a liar.

  14. Ginger says:

    YES! Three cheers for Bernice! Hip! Hip! Hooray! Hip! Hip! Hooray! Hip! Hip! Hooray!

    …now, get to work…& SHUT UP, DINESH!

  15. Igor says:

    Hello, this is Igor from Yugoslavia. Your app is fantastic for my large porn collection.

    1. Vlad says:

      Igor you don’t even own a computer. I apologize people of silicon for my friend wasting your time.

      1. Igor says:

        Vlad, you lying snake.

    2. Ginger says:

      Hahahahaha!!!! There should be a LOVE button. (Oooooh…that kinda sounds pornographic!)

      1. Dinesh says:

        There is a love button but I can never find it.

        1. Karen says:

          It’s right next to the “download” button you forgot. Or maybe it’s near the earrings I lost, on a sultry summer night many years ago…

  16. Dean says:

    Hire Bernice. She GETS it!

  17. qwertyuiop says:

    Lie

  18. Nazım says:

    Richard, don’t be a loser..

  19. Stop before your terminator destroys the world!!

    P.S.: Keep it simple silly. Your interface reminds me of those days in 2007 when people use to download the file converters for windows.

  20. Rocky Serate says:

    Richard,
    You desperately need a UX designer on your team. Hire me, please!

    PS. I’m a big fan of D2F. Keep it up!

  21. Rodman says:

    “The Machine”…. “Person of Interest”… Astroport… It’s all making sense now….

  22. Rodman says:

    Were those HPE servers running the Astroport? The green rectangle looked familiar.

  23. 28 says:

    Life is awesome, right?

  24. 洪德森 says:

    原来美国的创业公司也刷数据,不知道是不是像中国一样很普遍?哈哈

  25. kunal says:

    You must make a box now!!

  26. Brasil Ruby on Rails RULEZ! 😀

  27. GBoi69 says:

    Interface sux. only by Hooli. Gavin Belson is an inovator

  28. Q says:

    You’re awesome!

  29. Elya says:

    Where can I actually download PP? I want to use it.

  30. Pablo Santos says:

    Is good to know when the everything is fine, but let’s go back to work and search for new bugs, or we will lose do Hooli (Again)

  31. Biff Pekerman says:

    So funny I sneezed and farted at the same time! That’s like the unicorn of good luck omens it’s just too bad I wasn’t in the bathtub so I could enjoy it more.

  32. Azura says:

    Brasil!!!

  33. Electra says:

    Why is there a flute

    I cant find any of the files

  34. Raat Ramljak says:

    you’re lying.

  35. 大肉棒 says:

    大肉棒到此一游

  36. Andrew Thompson says:

    fdsafdsfads

  37. 大鸡巴 says:

    哈哈我是第一个中国人

  38. Tom says:

    Jared,

    You’re lying, I can tell.

  39. Sean says:

    I installed it. Now what? Do I need to be logged in for it to work? What do I do next???? So frustrating

  40. Gavin Belson says:

    Consider the table…

    1. Bugs Bunny says:

      …then take that mental energy of imagining a table to… consider the possum…

  41. Jefro says:

    Where can I buy episodes of this show? I’m not subscribing to HBO to watch one show.

  42. Bernice says:

    “..crushing, demoralizing, abject failure…” – Jared, you have perfectly described how many people feel during their initial attempt to use Astroport technology (not me – I was just annoyed at y’all). But now I understand. Being a user is not enough – you must be a COMPETENT user. It’s amazing to me how few of us competent users there are out there – precious gems, nestled in acres of dirty, greasy sludge. But I know you guys will find more of us gems – or create more gems. Astroport, you get us. You really get us.

    1. Aziz Ansari says:

      Dang right girl! We precious gems of COMPETENT users have never been touched by that “dirty, greasy sludge” of the TAR BRUSH!

  43. Patrice (Hooli) says:

    It’s wonderful to hear things are going so well, Jared. I’m glad things worked out this way, with Hooli’s vast, unprecedented, runaway success with the EndFrame “box”, and Astroport’s conquering of the platform market. Sometimes everybody really can win.

    In the spirit of moving forward as industry peers instead of rivals, could you put me in touch with Mr Bachman? I heard he’s quite the party host, and I thought he might appreciate the opportunity to buy an elephant.

  44. Rainier Punzalan says:

    You’re Awesome!

    1. Jian Yang says:

      Hey Erlick I am your mother and I donot love you !

      1. Bachmanatee says:

        I’m cutting off your internet privileges Jian Yang!

  45. Jay says:

    Jared,

    You need a UX designer on the team. Tell Richard he should hire me. I’m not an actor but for the right amount of money I could be whatever you guys want. Well, not anything.

    1. Nelson Bighetti says:

      I think Richard should get me to UX/UI bootcamps, I would perfectly fit in UI/UX position much needed at PiedPiper.

      1. Bernice says:

        Stick to developing that potato gun.