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< span class = "author" > By Jared Dunn< / span >
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< p > Greetings, good readers. I cannot apologize enough for my absence. You did notice my absence, right? You noticed that both Gilfoyle and Monica took a turn at the tongue of this wagon? And steered it mightily, I might add. Just like Pa Ingalls on the prairie. It’ s been a new frontier for me too, and I faced a few dust storms myself. The dustiest storm of them all was discovering that my birth parents rejected me, a little long-bodied baby. Well, I’ m still longbodied, but I’ m back! It makes me wonder though, was I missed here? Did anyone notice my empty cradle? By that I mean, my office in the Hamelin wing?< / p >
< p > Regardless, I am so thrilled to be back in the hallowed halls of Astroport. These bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Hooli folks have arrived and boy are they delightful! Their royal blue Hooli tees mixing with all the green Astroport gear has created a gorgeous Mediterranean Sea of color in the bullpen. Maybe with all the hubbub, my absence was hard to notice… It’ s not as though I was entirely forgotten though, right? I mean—I found my office name plate, it was still here. Someone had put it in a place of honor under the Asteroids arcade game, to level the legs of the console. So I was remembered and still useful to boot!< / p >
< p > And finally, though I typically save my bragging for the Bunco table, I am thrilled to announce that I am once again reporting directly to Sir Richard Hendricks, Founder and CEO. (Okay, he hasn’ t been knighted yet, but it should be any day now. I’ ve written stacks of letters asking Dame Judi Dench for tips.) Just as long as I don’ t drive him away, like I must have done with the previous founder I worked for, and perhaps my birth family too. I’ ll be so, so careful. I won’ t take up much space and I’ ll be supremely accommodating and I’ ll even bring some plants to the office so that the carbon dioxide I exhale is converted into oxygen and it all evens out. Stay tuned, faithful readers. Jared is back, and this time, he won’ t be a burdensome baby! Promise!< / p >
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